he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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