Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
