update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
