oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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