He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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