U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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