burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
