so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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