I accidentally burped into my bong.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
