false alarm. still invincible.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
