the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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