dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
