make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
