my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
