I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my phone needs a breathalizer
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
