If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
