You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
