Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
