Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
