You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
