Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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