why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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