Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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