the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize