The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
