Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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