Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
