with your own penis?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
