we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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