he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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