Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
