o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
