It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
