so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want to make out with him forever
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
