one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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