Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
