It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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