i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Panties = found
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