I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
