My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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