If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
