ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
