he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
