kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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