i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
