We won't sleep together?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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