I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
