I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
