Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize