the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
