If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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