You really coming over, don't trick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
