I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
