You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
