Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
