What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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