just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
