the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
