with your own penis?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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