Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
