omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
