Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
