She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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