yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
