Duck Duck Cougar?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize