I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
