Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
