there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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