kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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